TV party tonight!

This recent article in the New York Times about how David Carr never has time to catch up with the TV shows he never has time to watch really hit a nerve with me.

About six months ago, a friend asked me if I’d ever seen “Girls.” I made some snarky response, which she misinterpreted, which I tried to explain away by saying that I don’t watch episodic TV shows and I get sick and tired of everybody asking me if I have and then telling me that I should because TV is now some form of high art that every American is compelled to appreciate. I think I just pissed her off more. But I wasn’t even trying to! I just don’t watch these shows.

I like watching movies. They’re over in 2 hours. A self-contained story. But who has the time and energy to follow all these characters through 60 or 100 or 250 episodes? Not me. Short attention span? Restless leg syndrome?

Maybe I was brainwashed as a kid — TV was strictly limited in my house, so I watched as much crap as I could when my parents weren’t around. I loved Kung Fu, and the Dukes of Hazzard, and the Incredible Hulk — that pathos-ridden music whenever David Banner walked off into the sunset after another welker of destruction, man, that was awesome. So maybe I just associate watching TV with being stuck in the suburbs without a driver’s license. Now, I’m not, so I don’t.

I once did that Netflix thing of renting the entire output of The Office (UK version) a bunch of nights in a row until you’re done. It was funny, then dark, then sad. I felt kind of sick when I finished. This was in Seattle during the winter where you don’t even want to go outside because it rains all the time, and still I wished I’d gone outside and gotten my feet muddy.

I did occasionally catch the US version of the Office, South Park, and The Simpsons, back when they were on and I didn’t have little kids sucking up all my excess time and energy. (Are they still on? I don’t know about the first two. The Simpsons is but it started sucking 10 years ago so I can’t imagine it’s any better now.) My nephew was into Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which is hilarious. I watched a couple Arrested Develompents with my brother, but didn’t get the big deal so stopped. I saw Curb Your Enthusiasm a few times. I even caught a couple episodes of The Bachelor and The Amazing Race. I have no idea why.

But the must-see episodic fine art shows? Sorry. I’m hopelessly out of my depth whenever somebody starts talking about:

  • Girls
  • Breaking Bad
  • The Sopranos
  • Arrested Development
  • The Wire
  • Treme
  • Deadwood
  • Glee
  • Six Feet Under
  • Family Guy
  • Weeds
  • 24
  • Law & Order
  • Survivor
  • Sex & the City
  • Friday Night Lights (I do love the band who did the soundtrack, Explosions in the Sky, though.)
  • Lost
  • House of Cards
  • Game of Thrones
  • Mad Men

Maybe someday I’ll be fatally ill and catch up with all of these shows as I’m bedridden with a morphine drip in my arm. Until then, Black Flag has the last word:

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